But how do we do that? Although we are creatures of habit, we can change , and we need to be mindful of ourselves. To change, a person must desire to change by accepting and implementing a different way of thinking.
By doing this, we can have an accurate point of view of other people and the world overall. We are aware of our emotions and are more open to outside information and point of view when we are mindful. We can replace anger with compassion by being aware of our biases and being always conscious of our emotions.
When we become mindful, we transform our internal environment into a peaceful one. Peace and compassion can be achieved and translate into your external environment when you put effort and energy into yourself. If you struggle with maintaining peace within yourself, meditation is a great technique to regulate attention and emotion. Meditation allows increased communication between both parts of the brain.
One part of the brain controls our personality, decision-making, and cognitive behaviors. The other part of your brain contains your emotions. These two parts of the brain need to communicate effectively to balance our feelings and actions, resulting in a person making a more informed reaction.
Hate stems from fear. Opening yourself up to more and not blocking them out will significantly affect the changes within yourself and how you react to others and treat them. Rather than being afraid of what could happen, invest in yourself, put in the effort to change, and become interested in how you can change.
Much of our relationship rhetoric focuses on positive and negative as two ends of a spectrum—feeling more positively toward your partner means you feel less negatively toward them, and vice versa.
Our feelings toward our partners can range wildly from moment to moment—and it seems that may just be part of the wild ride of sharing your life with another complex human being. These were disliked people who played an important role in their life, such as exes or estranged parents.
Instead, it seems we hold some positive views of these significant others, even as we profess our dislike of them—even if we may not be able to admit it at a conscious level. Of course, there is such a thing as too much hate.
Instead, the key seems to be having a high enough ratio of positive to negative experiences. Researcher John Gottman found that stable, happy couples had about five times more positivity than negativity during conflict conversations.
On the other hand, couples who were heading towards divorce had a ratio more like 0. That is, way more negative than positive. While some negative emotions should be avoided at all costs, other negative emotions—such as guilt or sadness—when experienced in the appropriate setting, may be adaptive and help us change for the better. Feeling sad about growing apart from a good friend may help you realize you still care about that relationship. In relationships, conflict can help you negate bad patterns and work through issues.
We need some emotional variety —feeling good all the time might just get boring! The key is understanding—as opposed to avoiding conflict or suppressing bad feelings that are perfectly normal. Along with my colleague Serena Chen, I ran seven different studies of couples, conflict, and relationship satisfaction.
But when they came out of conflict feeling understood, there was no negative impact on relationship satisfaction. We got these results in a number of different ways. People who reported fighting frequently—but who at the same time felt understood by their partners—were no less satisfied with their relationships than people who rarely fight.
People who remembered a past conflict in which they felt understood were no less satisfied than those in a control group; those who did not feel understood showed negative effects. Figure out whether you're sacrificing too much in your relationship. Explore how to be a compassionate partner. Discover five ways to renew an old love. Do you love your partner compassionately? Upon completion of Part 2, participants completed the PLS again to assess their feelings of love toward the three targets.
We used several analyses to test our hypotheses. The scores from love ratings, hate ratings, and the PLS items were averaged within subjects prior to the analyses. Simple effect tests were performed when the interaction effect was significant. Tests of simple main effects were performed when an interaction effect was statistically significant. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of love toward target A 5.
Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of passionate love toward target A Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of hate toward target A 5. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the PLS score for target A This study used an experimental paradigm to study the relationship between romantic love and hate. The current study provided support for a link between the two affects and insights into the influence of similarity in romantic relationships.
We found that people have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate. The relationship between romantic love and hate was revealed to be more complex than expected. First, our results showed that feelings of love were influenced by similarity. That is, individuals, who were experimentally induced to experience feelings of love, felt stronger love toward someone of the opposite sex who was similar to them, thus, supporting our first hypothesis.
Previous studies have examined whether similarity or complementarity played a more vital role in mutual attraction Berscheid and Reis, and concluded that the former was more important. This view has also been supported by research looking at mate preferences Luo and Klohnen, and quality of marital relationships Hudson et al. Previous studies had mostly recruited couples or partners who were already in a relationship, and there is little direct evidence on whether the similarity of the two individuals had a crucial role in the development of a romantic relationship.
A recent study Conroy-Beam et al. To some extent, they considered the equivalence in social status between both partners to be an important factor relating to relationship satisfaction. In our study, however, when the participants were presented with two potential partners equal to them in excellence, participants perceived greater love for the one who was more similar to themselves. Relatedly, similarity also played an important role in mate selection.
Our findings complemented the findings of other research in this area. Individuals who were similar to each other easily formed good impressions of each other within a short time. Second, we found significant associations between romantic love and hate in the context of a romantic relationship. When presented with negative events with three different target persons, participants most hated the person whom they had loved the most previously.
Therefore, love and hate are indeed related. As Alford proposed, hate is an imitation of love and also a type of relationship with others and oneself. That is, in managing their relationships with others, people are at the same time managing themselves and their psyches Alford, Especially from the perspectives of young couples in romantic relationships, hate is also a reflection of love. The relationship between love and hate can be explained from different perspectives.
Romantic hate may be rooted in romantic jealousy. Previous research proposed emotional jealousy and cognitive jealousy as constituents of romantic jealousy. Moreover, cognitive jealousy is directly related to relationship dissatisfaction between lovers Elphinston et al. Previous studies have also found a positive relationship between romantic love and jealousy. That is, the more one loves a person, the more sensitive one becomes when encountering threats to the relationship Mathes and Severa, ; Orosz et al.
Thus, individuals experience more love and more hatred toward the same lover. Thus, in our context, the more one loves a person, the more psychological investment one makes. At the same time, our results showed a significant interaction between targets A vs. C and affects love vs. In other words, although the three targets were associated with the same negative events, the level of hatred varied across the three targets. If, initially, the individual loved the target the most, the degree of love is still higher than that of hate after the negative event.
However, when the individual did not love the target as much initially, the degree of love would be markedly lower than that of hate.
These results illustrate the complexity associated with romantic love and hate. For the person whom one loves the most or even hates, love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. This hate is a reflection of love and a feeling of sorrow. However, for the person one does not love, feelings of hate are stronger than those of love.
This hate perhaps has its roots in the moral dimension, which mainly concern social judgments about the quality of a person. This is why people experience such pain upon betrayal in a romantic relationship. These individuals also have long-term concerns about whether their partners are willing to accept them in a closed relationship. The authors proffered this as the reason behind love and hate, and that this phenomenon could be observed in any relationship.
Needless to say, the complex precursors of love and hate can be interpreted in many ways. Perhaps as some of the most ubiquitous emotions, people need to comprehend and explain love and hate objectively and rationally. Although we study the nature of love and hate from a rational point of view and from an emotional perspective to explain the precursors of these two basic emotions, humans are emotional beings.
In summary, we need to comprehend the relationship between love and hate both rationally and emotionally. If we pay close attention to hate, we can better understand love Tjeltveit, This idea justified us carrying out the current study. However, there are three limitations to this study. First, even though we emphasized that the protagonist would be described in three different relationships in different periods of life, this manipulation could not guarantee that participants could generate independent feelings of love for the three target persons.
In our future research, we may explore whether relationship status predicts feelings of love and hate using this experimental paradigm. Third, the findings of the current study were also limited by the manipulation of similarity between the participants and the three targets.
The use of vignettes meant that the manipulation of similarity might have partly depended on how well the participants were able to imagine themselves as the protagonist in the vignettes. In addition, people have different emotional reactions toward different people in the context of romantic love and hate. For the person whom one loves or hates the most, love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. However, for the person one does not love, feelings of hatred are stronger than those of love.
This study also provided support for the relationship between romantic love and hate, and highlighted the important role of similarity in moderating the relationship between love and hate. Each participant volunteered to take part in this study and provided written informed consent before the start of the experiment.
WJ: study design, data collection, data analysis, and paper writing. YX and ML: study design and paper writing. The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.
Alford, C. Google Scholar. Aron, A. Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love.
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